The Secret to Creating Lasting Relationships | Mind Blowing Health and Wellness
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The Secret to Creating Lasting Relationships | Mind Blowing Health and Wellness

hello everyone welcome to mind-blowing
health and wellness with Violet so this is my first video and what I thought I
would do to make it interesting is to do a video about first impressions what
we’re going to do is I’m gonna introduce myself we’re going to talk about some
mistakes that happen in videos that people try to do about first impressions
and so how that doesn’t help us and then we’re going to talk about what the
correct way to make a great first impression is and I’m gonna give you
some examples so to begin with my name is Violet Reveira I’m a psychologist I
have had a private practice now since 2003 but I’ve been working as a
psychologist since 2001 I’ve also worked in social work as a psychologist
obviously it’s my goal in life to help as many people as I possibly can and
that’s part of the reason that I’m making this video is ultimately my hope
is that I can reach even more people by making videos and helping everyone
understand that ideas perceptions beliefs these things affect how we
interact with our world and therefore affect how we feel about our world and
how we feel about ourselves ultimately affecting our health I really do believe
that in order for everyone to be healthier we need to understand that
psychological stuff so our ideas the things that are in our head affect how
we interact with the world both physically how we feel and physically
how we feel okay and psychologically there’s a mind-body connection that I
think a lot of people ignore that I’m trying to help people to fully
understand and reintegrate because I think that at some point we didn’t know
this but in today’s society we don’t pay enough attention to it so that’s the
reason I’m making these videos okay let’s talk about first impressions
most first impression videos in my opinion that focus on tips and tricks in
my opinion are making a mistake and I’ll tell you why in order to pull off a tips
and tricks I need to be confident enough to engage the
behavior that you’re telling me to do so if you give me some tips about how to
interact with in and on a date for example I need to be comfortable and
confident enough to pull that off now here’s the thing if I was I’d already be
doing it so and in order for me to do something it has to feel organic to me
so behaviors that might work on my girlfriend behaviors that might work on
my sister it’s not necessarily gonna work for me I have to be comfortable to
do it so that’s the first problem I have with tips and tricks is that unless I’m
already a confident person I’m not gonna be able to do a behavior that someone
else is telling me to do so this is my first problem because if I’m asking for
tips and tricks I’m using right so that’s part one now part two is that
whatever behavior that I engage I will need to remember that behavior it so if I use
someone else’s tip or trick to do something in an interaction and I do
well with it not have to remember that that’s what that person believes of me
and thinks of me like this is the information they have of me and then if
I’m in a different scenario and I use a different trick and tip right so every
time I do something that’s outside of my own character I have to remember what I
did and who I did it with because when I interact with these people later they’re
expecting something of me they’re expecting me to be like what I was in
that first interaction okay great so now that we’ve gotten that out of the way
let’s talk about what you really need to do to give the best possible impression
of yourself the first thing that I’m gonna say and is the most important
thing and actually if it’s the only thing you remember from this video
please remember it is be yourself the most important thing that you are going
to do to give a good impression of who you are is to be you we need to be
careful it’s about giving a good impression a good impression of you you
need to be this every time you’re going to be around this person so if it’s not
authentically you that means every time that you’re gonna be around this person
you’ll have to pull out this fake version of yourself to be and that’s
really not gonna happen we don’t pull out a fake version of ourselves all the
time so at some point they’re gonna start to see the real you and now
there’s gonna be a discrepancy so the first and most important thing about
giving a good first impression is being yourself okay let’s take this a step
further and figure out like why when I let my personality show then I’m gonna
be much more myself which is gonna be relaxing to me when I let my personality
show I’m going to be comfortable again it’s gonna help me to engage the
scenario the ideal spouse the ideal work environment the ideal friends they’re
looking for an accurate version of you they’re looking to say that though this
person that I’m meeting this is the person that I’ll be dealing with going
forward in time so if the person that I’m presenting to them is not the person
that they’re gonna be going forward in time with then eventually there’s gonna
be a discrepancy there and that’s gonna cause more problems than having
presented a first impression at the very beginning that was more accurate but
less enthusiastic so let’s be realistic in the presentation okay cuz that’s
actually the best way to make a great first impression and I think a good
example matter of fact not even a good a great example of this that I can give you and
I can give you multiple there are a lot of well-known personalities on YouTube
that you could go and click into and watch their videos and you’ll see like
that they give an amazing first impression every video they put out for
example Gary Vee for example Casey Neistat you know there are so many people
that give this great impression of themselves superwoman that every time
you watch a video you’re just like wow but the person I want to talk about is
the person that gives a great example at the same time you can see through their
history that they didn’t start off with the enthusiasm that they currently have
so I’m talking about Roberto Blake if you go back and watch the first video
that Foberto brilli ever Roberto Blake sorry ever put out you’ll see that his
number one mission and he says it in the first video which is interesting because
i don’t think that at the time when he made that video he thought he would be a
youtuber eventually and in making the video at the end of the video he says
and i’m try and see what I can do about getting
you some more videos and some more tips like this and showcase some more of my
own work let you know what things that I’ve been doing they’ve worked out for
me and been successful just because I feel like it’s really important to do
what you can to build and support the online design community and creatives in
general and I want to be a part of that and I really think you should too I
think it’ll be invaluable to your career and good luck I hope this works out for
you I hope they have more tips for you very soon in the near future and best of
luck and then fast forward to thousands of videos later and guess what he’s
still saying the same thing he is very committed to his idea that his videos
can help other creative people go out there and as he puts it create something
awesome and so what’s amazing is that this was a person who when you look at
his on-camera presence his on-camera presence is not amazing but what it is
is it’s accurate to who he is when you watch his first videos you know exactly
what you’re gonna get you know exactly what he’s gonna do and you know he’s
gonna provide you a valuable piece of information about whatever he’s talking
about which he does in every video that I’ve ever watched of his he’s providing
information that’s accurate to what he said he’s gonna provide now what happens
when we’re that accurate about who we are so what happens when I go to a job
interview or I go or I’m out with new people and I’m just that accurate about
the information that I’m presenting to you a very interesting thing happens you
are going to be talking about things that are interesting to you and so in my
case I can talk psychology forever I can talk about this because I love it and
what you’re gonna notice is that at least what I notice is that some people
are enthralled with what I have to say and some people are like snore and
that’s okay what’s really important when we’re out with people and we’re talking
about whether it be psychology whether it be bowling whether it be you know
speed skating or what where other hockey whatever you happen
to be into when we’re talking about the things that we love then what we need to
be recognizing is that not everybody is gonna love what we love and that’s not
the point of making a good first impression
making a good fresh first impression is about letting people understand who you
are and learning about who they are so it’s partially presenting yourself and
partially being a good listener we’re going to grind our going back and forth
on those two things at this moment we’re talking about what
I’m presenting so let’s just stick here for a second
when I’m enthusiastic about what I’m talking about
is gonna make what I’m talking about more interesting so of course people are
going to pay attention when I’m sharing information that might help people
that’s gonna make things more interesting so like even if we’re
talking about you know skiing but in the conversation we’re not really so
enthralled about skiing maybe the other person but they do talk they do is talk
about like how winter and the cold and whatever well you know what my
information about skiing also gives me good information about warm clothes
what’s the best way to dress what you know how do you keep yourself from
getting cold so even that conversation can take a turn into something that’s
interesting between the two of us again because I’m interested enthusiastic
love what I’m talking about the chance that anything related to what
I’m talking about is gonna get a good interaction from me is very high and
that means I’m gonna be more animated I’m gonna be more interesting and that’s
gonna help to make a great first impression being a good listener
the flip side of this is allowing yourself to listen out in a social
situation for conversations that are interesting to you and becoming a part
of that it’s also when I’m interacting with someone that I’m listening to what
they’re saying but also I’m listening for things that help me to feel excited
too right that’s why this is a dynamic when
we’re talking about making a good first impression when I’m listening and
I’m hearing what you’re saying that’s interesting to me then those avenues on
the conversation are going to be explored because I’m gonna ask you questions
about that because that’s interesting to me right so there’s where again my
personality is gonna shine through what I found interesting about what you’re
saying gets more attention
and attraction so it’s really important for you to be yourself it’s really
important for you to not just try to follow the
person’s conversation solely strictly because they’re talking about it it’s
about listening to what they’re saying finding the pieces that are interesting
to you and asking follow-up questions on those pieces and that’s gonna help the
conversation flow better because now we’re actually interacting and engaging
now if we just talk about work for five seconds I want to point something out
that I think a lot of people don’t think about when we go to an interview or when
we’re in a work environment and we’re meeting a new person in the work
environment whatever that happens to be and we’re presenting ourselves it’s so
important to be accurate and honest in your presentation
there are people who believe that when you present yourself at work you should
come off as expert in everything I actually don’t believe that that’s
either good for you or great for your career because first of all I can’t
be an expert in everything I can’t know everything that’s just not possible but
second of all if I present myself as knowing everything then when it’s time
to do the work there’s gonna be expectation that I can just do
everything and I don’t need any assistance and and all of a sudden I’ve
created a story where perhaps even if I do need assistance I can’t get it when
we’re presenting ourselves in a work environment the best thing that we can
do to be to give a good first impression that’s accurate and helpful to us is to
present good information about what we are good at and then present or not
necessarily present but understand our weaknesses and not present our
weaknesses as strengths so basically I’m gonna focus on presenting what I know
I’m great at and then focus all of my attention there and when I’m asked
questions about what I’m not so great at I’m gonna be honest that that’s
something that I can do very likely but I’m still working on so these are places
where I’m trying to improve I’d love to be better at that and if there’s
training and etc I’m gonna focus my attention on helping them to understand
although I don’t have that as a full competency yet it’s something that I’m
willing to work on why am I doing that I don’t want to get the false impression
that I’m already amazing at something I’m not amazing at I want them to see
the things clearly that I’m amazing at now when I do this for myself
what happens is that in meetings in interviews in every
interaction that I’m having with people I’m gonna be allowing myself to ask
questions about the things that I don’t have as strengths and make comments
about the things that I do feel I have a strengths I’m gonna comment and correct
any misperceptions you’re having on these topics and I’m gonna ask and
clarify for myself what’s going on in these it keeps me engaged it keeps me in
my bosses or co-workers eyes looking as if I’m a full fledged team player
willing to engage and it helps the scenario to move forward every scenario
that we are in we need to be truly authentic about who we are what we bring
to the table as a strength and the things that we’re still working on I
want to add to this because I think it’s so important for us to recognize that
when we are trying to make a good first impression now I’m talking whether it’s
work social whatever it is when I’m trying to make a good first impression
and I present myself and for some reason I don’t match in this story whether I’m
not matching for the job or I’m not matching for the relationship that’s in
front of me or a friendship or whatever it is when I present myself and I don’t
match what I need to recognize is that that’s not a failure every interaction
that I have in the world there’s a possibility that me and this person are
gonna match there’s a possibility that we are not gonna match because
personalities don’t always match what’s super important for me to keep in mind
when I’m interacting with people is it’s not about matching with everybody and I
really do feel that again I’m gonna go back to Roberto Blake for this example
he’s a great example of this Roberto Blake does not spend all of his time
trying to get every single person on YouTube to watch his videos he’s very
specific in the people he’s making videos for creative minded people who
need to learn how to use Adobe or who need to learn how to set up their camera
or who need to understand how to market themselves or people who don’t like
he’s very specific in the audience he’s trying to reach because he understands
that that’s where his interest lies and so he focused himself on that topic
because that’s where he’s excited and enthusiastic to make videos
I don’t want you guys to watch a video you don’t care about just to help my
view counts I don’t want to take any time out of your day that you could be
spending creating something awesome and making you know tremendous artwork or
photography or videos or writing or experiencing time your family or friends
or you know going on and getting a girlfriend or boyfriend
I would rather you spend the time on something that really matters to you
then watch my video for the sake of watching my video
I’m the probably the only youtuber that will say don’t watch all of my videos
you don’t need to now I can only imagine that there’s a very specific type of
person that would need to watch every single one of my videos that’s a very
rare and specific type of person and I don’t need to take away any time from
somebody that’s not that I just don’t I will be okay he talks about the fact
that he encourages other people to make videos based on their own interests some
of those interests more wide-reaching than his and he recognizes that if he
would change his focus he could reach more people but the problem is that this
is where his focuses and so he embraces it and he has the number of viewers that
he has and I feel like that’s such an amazing thing to keep in mind when you
are trying to engage other people it’s not about how many friends quote-unquote
you have but they’re superficial it’s about how many true connections you’re
making with people how many true friends do you have how many how many
interactions do you have on a regular basis where you walk away feeling like wow I
really know that person or when I’m at work how enthusiastic am I about
the work that I’m doing you know I’m very blessed to be in a job that I’m
enthusiastic about doing every single day that I interact with people and I
walk away feeling like wow okay you know I did something there and if you don’t
have that can you get it and if you do have that do you embrace it are you
happy about having it do you recognize how great that is so one of the things
that I’m looking at right now is helping you to realize that by accepting that
not every person is gonna engage with me and be hap and to like me right then
what I end up doing for my self is I allow myself to recognize
that when I interact with you so and it doesn’t work that’s okay because it didn’t need to work for us because it wasn’t gonna work for us
because we don’t match however flipside of the coin I need to
allow myself to cast my you know it’s like fishing I need to cast my line
the more I cast my line the more chances I make that I’m going to interact with
someone who actually matches me right because like I said earlier if I’m
talking about skiing but we really don’t match on that but then we end up talking
about something that’s related like like winter clothing or shopping or something
else that we do end up or bowling or anything like again the more I’m talking
about the things I’m interested in the more chances I have that someone else in
the room is gonna also have an interest in what I’m interested in and vice
versa the more I’m listening out for things that I’m interested in the more
chance that I’ll hear somebody talking about things that I’m interested in and
that’s gonna help us to connect because I’m going to be drawn to you and you’re
gonna be drawn to me it’s important for us to make real connections so the
important thing about making a first impression a good one is that it opens
the door for people who actually are interested in what I’m interested in to
join and connect with me now the other thing I want to point out is that a good
first impression and we we say this all the time I want to make a good first
impression a good first impression but we need to recognize that a good first
impression is based on the impressions you’re already making what I mean by
that is this you’re always making impressions whether you’re interacting
with someone you just met or whether you’re interacting with someone that
you’ve known for years you’re always making an impression what we need to be
more aware of is the impression that we make every day how are you interacting
with people in your lives on a regular basis because that what you’re doing
there is what you’re gonna do when you meet a new person paying attention to
how you interact working on how you interact so focusing your attention on
improving the way that you engage people will help you to improve your
impressions if I allow myself to interact with people in a way that’s I’m
not pleased with then chances are when I interact with other people on a
first impression I’m gonna do things that I’m not pleased with by keeping
myself aware that every interaction I do counts and so therefore I need to treat
people with respect I need to treat myself with respect I need to present a
version of myself that I’m happy with whenever I’m interacting with people
keeps me in the position then when I’m in front of someone new I make a great
first impression right because I’m used to being respectful I’m used to engaging
well I’m used to being myself I’m used to being Violet all the time and so
because I’m Violet all the time I don’t worry about well how’s this gonna come
across I just do it because it’s me and again by doing that this is gonna work
right because you’re seeing the real version and is either you like it or you
don’t and if you don’t like it it’s okay because there’s someone else out there
who will keep that in mind I want to go back to the work thing for a moment because I
just want to point out that when we’re at work and we have that list of things
that I know I’m great at and I have that list of things that I need to work on
it’s a list of things I need to work on and I think part of making a good first
impression is also recognizing that if I want to be proud of myself I also need
to be working on myself that’s something that we do all the time we’re constantly
working improving growing as people in order to be the best version of
ourselves possible so that when we are engaging with people so when we’re
presenting who we are it’s positive we need to be careful that we don’t allow
ourselves to stagnate we don’t allow ourselves to just this is who I am
I accepted or don’t accept it it’s true people will accept it or not accept that
the question is do you accept it do you accept that you’re not presenting the
best version of yourself for example running off to the grocery store and
you’re in your pajamas or you know like I’m not working so I don’t take care of
myself I mean you should be doing it for yourself not for other people and
truthfully if wearing your pajamas out in public is okay with you then when
you’re introducing yourself to new people then that should also be okay
with you so I’m not saying that you have to be one way or the other I’m just
saying make sure that what you’re presenting is truly authentic to who you
are because basically a good first impression is a realistic
impression of who you are so all of that being said why should you watch my
videos well because what you see is what you get you’re gonna get videos that are
about the connection between psychology health being the best version of
yourself that you possibly can be I really want to help people to understand
that our beliefs our understandings our perceptions our thoughts about life
about people about work affect how we feel both physically psychologically
emotionally that these things all come together to create your health whether
your health is going to be good or whether your health is gonna be bad my
goal is to help everyone understand that psychology is a part of life and it’s a
part of health and we can change it we can act differently we can think
differently we can believe in ourselves and have a happier life I want to thank
you for joining me on mind-blowing health and wellness with violet and I
will see you in the next video I absolutely appreciate that you guys
watch the video all the way to the end this is a good opportunity for you hit
that subscribe button so that you’ll see my upcoming videos and I’d really love
to know what you guys want to hear me talk about next
so put comments and questions and ideas for future videos in the comment section
so that I can make videos that are gonna be what you want to hear me talk about
if you like my video today please give me a thumbs up if you didn’t like it
give me a thumbs down I can’t wait to talk to you guys again and I will see
you in the next video

About Bill McCormick

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13 thoughts on “The Secret to Creating Lasting Relationships | Mind Blowing Health and Wellness

  1. Hello everyone, or you, or maybe I'm talking to myself 🙂

    I'm really happy that you decided to join me. My plan for this channel is to create a community of people who want to talk about mental health, physical health, and general well being. And let's not just talk about it, let's create it. The more we understand our bodies, our minds, and how the two come together to create our overall feeling of health, the better we can actually make changes to improve how we feel.

    Comments and questions, welcome! Let's get talking.

  2. I love this channel, thanks for sharing. The information about Keto diet is what brought me here but I'm excited to hear/see what else I will learn. You will notice some troll comments @ times….don't pay those folks any mind….we need more people like you on here. 😊. Again, thank you.

  3. What if who you are is crap – not funny, awkward, stupid? I have to be very careful not to let my stupidity and lack of social graces show…

  4. New sub here I really enjoy your videos… I’m on keto, quite overweight, pretty ashamed and embarrassed at how I look.. I worry that people look at me and recoil in disgust .. I work as a make up artist and am freelance and I’m often working with very fit very attractive people and I just close down because I feel so ashamed about myself.. it’s rare for me to get re booked and I wonder if it’s because people sense my discomfort with myself .. find it hard to ‘be myself’ because that self is gawky awkward and socially clumsy so I watch myself to make sure I don’t say or do something stupid.

  5. 'Violet' what a lovely and soft sounding name for a lovely and soft woman. You're very thorough. Oh yes, thank you for pointing out Roberto Blake's YouTube channel. I checked him out. His tips and strategies are just what I needed.

  6. I find that in the process of meeting random people, it takes a certain Segway into talking about our interest, for instance I am a bee keeper and a bird lover those are my passions. But unless I am asked I don't bring it up so fast, maybe I am shy to empose. But if I am asked I do light up ☺

  7. There is a channel called the rewired soul that claims to be a "mental health" channel when in reality it is a drama channel. I feel your channel demonstrates the professionalism and education a mental health channel should demonstrate. I hope your channel gets a lot more attention than the rewired soul because you are so much more articulate and humble and provide information thats a lot more useful. I have a fitness channel that focuses on helping people with chronic illness and disabilities and I often discuss the emotional challenges that come from dealing with chronic illness if you'd to check it out. Btw, I LOVE Roberto Blake!

  8. Hi Violet… i am so greatful that i came across your channel.. i love the fact that you are so real about things .. i know for a fact that i shall be watching all your vedios.. i do keto carnivore and i love your explainations.. i follow Dr Westman Dr Ken Berry Dr Jason Fung Jim from beating obesity and now i have an amazing someone like yourself .. thank you thank you .. lotsa love from Johannesburg South Africa xxx…

  9. Thanks so much for this. It’s so interesting to look at where we come from and to think about presenting authentically and accurately.

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