Hi mermaids welcome back to my channel, if you’re new here, my name is Jude, hello. If you hadn’t noticed, I have been gone for about a month. If you’ve been around for a while you know that February is typically the time where I stop Necessarily posting videos because I get really overwhelmed at school and some mental health stuff is happening. So what we’re gonna do today is some sort of mental health check-in for myself But also for you guys as well, because I think that it’s really important for us to become kind of like self-aware About what’s happening, and it’s kind of like a first step in order to like knowing What you’re feeling and What those feelings are attached to, I guess? Around the beginning of February like right before I posted the dear body video, I had been feeling not the best I was severely triggered with my eating disorder and fell into a bit of depression this depression was caused by a number of things, one, that Weight Watchers thing that came out about teenagers that I wrote a blog about Me being stressed the fuck out with school, and then me being really stressed out about graduation Um if you don’t know I’m graduating in May, and I’m planning on moving back to New York and all of that It’s just extremely stressful, so a girl fell into a bit of depression and when I say a bit, I mean a three-week-long depressive spiral, it’s been a really long time since I’ve had a depressive spiral that long the last time I remember having one like that was about my sophomore year of college and It was really scary. It was not fun. It was really scary I didn’t miss as many classes as I thought I was going to miss but I definitely wasn’t as engaged With the material as I normally am and like I was still doing projects, like I did a short film I was working on some stuff, like I did the deer body stuff I started my blog again, like I was doing things and being productive in a way that I wasn’t productive the last time this happened But I was so tired, and I think another reason for that was because in Chicago it was really really cold and dark for a while and my seasonal affective disorder decided to flare up And it flared up so bad that like I didn’t want to talk to anyone like I just I didn’t want to speak to anyone and I I personally am someone who cannot get help right now in Illinois because I don’t have health insurance here I can’t necessarily go to a doctor and pay out of pocket for a therapist right now. So I am kind of dealing with this kind of on my own So yes my seasonal affective disorder was in full swing and it was just really really difficult to like do the things that I was supposed to do and Be productive and be like this like functioning member of society and also kind of just not want To be here or doing the things and for the first time in a long time, I had thoughts about self-harm I didn’t do anything Thank God But I definitely Had some thoughts about self-harm for the first time in a while just because I like felt really numb and overwhelmed it was late at night, so I went to sleep, but that was definitely a moment for me to be like, “Hey like you’re really depressed like be careful. Take it easy,” and I think that’s the most important thing that I’ve learned throughout this like three-week long Depressive spiral is to like take it easy Just show up when you can, you don’t have to be the most engaged You don’t have to be the star pupil in the class just show up And I think that that’s the most important thing and I’m really thankful for the opportunities that I was given in the month of February because they allowed me to have something to do when I wasn’t feeling my best and I don’t know like February was really weird, and it was a lot weirder than usual I’m much better than I was but I don’t think I’m out of the clear yet because Chicago is gonna keep Fluctuating with weather and time and I’m gonna keep fluctuating with my stress levels. I’m just remembering to take a breath and continue moving forward I know that I’ll be okay. I’m gonna be fine. I’m gonna be okay It was just a really stressful three weeks and so I’m really thankful for those of you who knew that I was struggling and knew that something was up and Contacted me and reached out to me and those of you who have stuck around and not unsubscribed because I haven’t put out content Because we are we’re in a world, it’s very very content-driven where we’re like we want content. We want content. We want content but We’re not necessarily worried about the creators that are creating that content And so I’m very thankful for all of you who have stuck around in the mermaid kingdom, For the past few weeks while I’ve been getting my shit together. I’m just, I’m always grateful for you guys, and I always Kind of feel bad when I’m not able to create content and put up videos But I know that you guys are wanting me to take care of myself Just the same way that I want you guys to take care of each other, so I’m really thankful for that I’m really grateful for that, that I have people who are Caring and loving and want me to be the best version of myself And I want to be the best version of myself for you guys You know yeah, this is like a guess a little mental health check in so in the comments below It’s gonna be a space of love and care and support, in the comments, let me know how you’re doing Let me know what’s been bothering you Let me know how you’re feeling, I know it’s stressful, and I know that things are a lot and I know that life is a lot, so just let me know how you’re feeling I genuinely want to know, and I’m sure that other people in the mermaid kingdom genuinely want to know as well So yeah, put those in the comments, but yeah, that’s it. I think I’m gonna post this video Today, today is Thursday So I think I’m gonna actually post this today because it’s been a little bit of radio silence on my end And I want you guys to know what the fuck is going on so, also in the comments Can you let me know what kind of videos you want to see from me? Thanks, but otherwise? That’s it so yeah. Thank you mermaids, if you’re new here And you would like to join the mermaid kingdom, all the social media links are down in the description You can also hit the subscribe button to join the mermaid kingdom and the notification bell to know whenever I upload I make new videos every Sunday and Monday, but that might be changing who the fuck knows? I don’t I think that’s everything so just keep swimming, sigue nadando, and I will see you when I see you.