(snoring) (screams) Oh, what the hell? AHH! So it’s Dave? This your first abduction, Dave? Uh… you’re an alien? Uh, no. Pretty sure you’re the alien, Dave. Just messing with ya. How’s your day been so far? …. I know you’re nervous, but I’ve done a million of these, okay? You’re gonna be fine. What is happening? So, earth. Do you know, uh, Karen? Uh… what? From earth? Karen I think? Um… there are a lot of Karens. Ha, okay, figured worth a shot, huh? Okay, and could you cough for me? (coughs) Good. Hold your breath. Good. And hold your blood. What? Alright, and look over here for me. And look over here. Kay, nice. And look into this dimension. And into this one. I don’t see anything. Oh. Shame. So weather, huh? You guys have that? Uh, yeah, what is this all about? Why am I being abducted? Oh, it’s just a routine check-up to see if human beings qualify as intelligent life. (SCREAM) Can you hear that? Yeah. Okay, how about this? No. Okay and how about this? (TERRIBLE NOISE) Ahhh! YES! YES! JESUS! STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! AHHHH! Okay. Great. Now let’s get you out of that skin. Don’t be shy. I can’t take my skin off. Oh, right, human sorry. Think! Okay, what do we got here? Checks out… And smile. (beep) Great. Ugh. Typical. So does earth get “Klarvon’s Biggest Flinx”? Love that show. That show’s hilarious. I don’t get cable. The way Gorchop’s always getting himself into trouble- Oh no… What? What is it? (muffled radio chatter) Right. Uh… this may be a little difficult to hear. Okay, Dave? Give it to me straight. Dave, I’m afraid you can’t teleport. Right, I never could teleport. Right, on earth. But on Andromeda… You won’t be able to. Well, I want a second opinion. Well, look, you’re welcome to try another abduction- but I’ve dealt with many people who have gone on to live full, happy lives without the ability to hop around spacetime. I think you can learn to live without it. So… did I pass? Or-? Oh, no no no human’s are idiots. But hey, that’s not the only way we measure these things. Human beings are miraculous creatures. So fragile yet so resilient. Their existence shouldn’t work. But somehow, for now, it does. Human beings though not intelligent life are somehow still capable of love and expression and… beauty. Human beings are like the universe looking back on itself. Wow. That was beautiful. Thank you. I’m never gonna forget that. And tracking chip installed. And memory wipe complete. (Metallic thud) Hi, I wanted to double check on a charge I’m seeing here. Um, it says an out of network consultation for one billion eight hundred thirty six million twenty-four dollars and twelve cents. Twelve cents.